Can anyone tell me that it will all be okay? That everything will be the same? Life must go on, but everything changes.

My cousin died. He was no spring chicken, but he was no old turkey, either. I didn't even know he was sick. I'm not sure what happened yet. I'll make those phone calls tomorrow.

I haven't been close to Bob for years. A few emails back and forth. The occassional family function. That's about it. Honestly, even growing up, I never saw him all too often. On average, I'd say, we saw each other once every other year or so.

I remember his wedding. The day he married my cousin Emily. It's one of my earliest memories. I must have been six years old. The wedding was at my aunt and uncle's house in New Jersey. My sister and I were there with my dad, I don't remember if my mom was there or not. It was summer, and it was hot. There were so many family members there. Tents were set up. The aisle they walked down was a stone path leading through a garden (I'm pretty sure they got married in a cabbage patch.) I remember running around with my sister, searching for whichever waiter had the pigs in a blanket. I must have eaten a hundred tiny hot dogs that day. By the end of the reception I was so tired I just sat down in one of the tents watching in wonder at the air above the food tables, watching it shimmer because of the heat.

A few years later, after my mom's stroke, my sister and I were up visiting my aunt and uncle in jersey over the summer, so we popped up to Albany to visit with the cousins. At this point, Emily and Bob had three kids. Two girls from Bob's first marriage and one daughter of their own. Bob was outnumbered four to one. When I was there, we holed ourselves up in a side room with a computer and we played a baseball game together. We talked about baseball and the Mets and we played that computer game and it was because of him that I fell in love with the sport. He filled a hole in my heart that, at the time, I wouldn't let my father fill.

A few years later I spent another week one summer with Emily and Bob and their family up in Vermont and, really, I looked forward to seeing him more than anything else. This time we had a nintendo and played a different baseball game, one with graphics and everything. We almost drove up to Montreal to watch a Mets game, but there wasn't a game that day, so we went to the mall instead and spent the day at an arcade.

It's those memories that I will cherish the most.

I can't even imagine how Katie and Amy and Ang and Matt must feel right now. And Emily.... my heart goes out to all of you...

Bob, you will be missed.