My Next Life

This is totally stollen from Woody Allen via Reddit, but I liked it, so I'm posting it for you guys to enjoy:

In my next life I want to live backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.

You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You party, drink alcohol and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school.

You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, more room every day and then, BAM!

You finish off as an orgasm.

A Brand New Day

I've only seriously prayed to god for one thing in my entire life.

I prayed for that one, single thing every day for a long, long time.

Some nights I wonder what life would be like if that one prayer was answered. Where would I be? Who would I be?

I wonder what the lives of everyone I've touched would be like. How they might be better or how they might be worse.

Its all very Its-A-Wonderful-Life-y

And its all very pointless. I know that. Trust me, I do.

It makes me wonder, though, about all those people out there who continue to pray... have any of theirs been answered?

I would have to imagine that some of them have. I mean, even its by dumb luck, I'm positive that some people have prayed for something to happen and then had that thing happen.

Its not that I think that I'm not doing it right and they are.

I'm fairly close to positive that it doesn't matter how you do it or where you do it or who you even do it to (wow, that sounded kind of dirty, didn't it?)

Maybe all that matters is that you do it.

The power of positive thinking.

If you can dream it, you can be it.

Maybe praying for something is just a way for us to envision ourselves doing something or being something and by actually seeing that state of being we are better able to make the right decisions to get ourselves there.

So here it is. My first prayer in about 20 years.

Hello up there. Its me. Dave. I haven't done this in a really long time so I'll be the first to admit that I'm not really sure how this all goes. I figure I should start with small miracles before moving on to the big ones. Before I ask for anything, though, I just want to say thanks for all that I do have. I want to thank you for my family and my friends. I want to thank you for my pretty decent health, I don't have too many complaints there. I want to thank you for the creme bruele in my belly and the food in my fridge. I want to thank you for all the beauty that is in the world and in my life.
Ok, enough buttering you up. Here's my first request back in this prayer game. Please God, Lord, Allah, Yaweh, IDGAF or whatever it is you'd like to be called... Please let the sun rise in the morning. Like I said before, though, I figure we should keep this thing easy to start before we move on to the more serious stuff.

This is Dave, signing off.

ramblin' rose

Maybe the reason I haven't been sleeping well lately is because I haven't been writing. That's definitely a possibility. I have all these pent up words and they're fighting so hard to get out that my eyelids aren't strong enough to stay closed and keep them in... maybe.

...

So here's the deal. If I were to write our story out a million times it would go a million different ways, but each one would end the same way: with us growing old together.

...

I'm begining to need a cahnge again.
I need something
and I need it soon.

...

Have you ever seen the movie Yes Man? Well, I have... of course of I have... it has Zooey in it... Anyways... I think I'm going to do that on my next day off.

I'm just going to say Yes. Well, to anything within reason. If its possible for me to do it, I will. Or at least I'll try. I will Unleash The Power of Yes!

...

Girls poop.

When I was younger, I never thought about that. I mean guys talk about going to the bathroom. Some guys even show off what they've done to their younger brothers. And their younger brothers' friends. Guys go to "drop a duece," or "drop the kids off at the pool" or maybe they just go "read a magazine." Whatever you want to call it, we announce that we're doing it. Most girls don't do that.
It wasn't until I was older that I realized that girls fart. They poop. They do everything guys do, just more discretely.

I guess that's what it all boils down to, then, doesn't it? The fundamental difference between the sexes is that men are brought up to be proud of their bodies while women are taught to be ashamed of them.

...

This morning, my little cousin asked me what it was like to be in love. The kid is only 11, so I wasn't really sure how to describe the feeling to him in a way he would understand. So I told him it felt just like this... and then I smacked up upside the head.

mmmm.....

So let me start by saying that I have not been sleeping very well lately.

That has definitely affected my thinking.

Everything is skewed a little bit towards the extremes right now.

Right now, though

Right this very now

All I can think about is you.

I know that I've told you that you are amazing

And I'm pretty sure that you believe me.

You do.

I know you do.

Because you can't help but know its true.

I feel right now

Just like I did back then

Only more

So much more.

Its still a sort of puppy love

But that's just because thats how I love

Like a puppy.

With lots of tongue. :)p

its been way too long.

I haven't been writing lately. And I can't really say for sure exactly what I've been doing instead... watching movies? sleeping? Going out? I dunno... I guess it doesn't really matter why NOT, all that really matters is that I'm not.

I am now, though.

sorta.

I haven't actually said anything yet, have I?

I've just been rambling.

Nothing new there, though, right?

Right.

So, here's the thing. I want something new.

I know exactly what I want, but I can't have her, so... I'm stuck.

I've been in this position before and I know exactly what I did and I know exactly how it turned out and I don't plan on doing that again.

But...

There's always a but...

But this time its different!

I sound like an abused spouse... I swear, its different this time!

But it is.

I'm not allowing myself to go too far. I'm not going all in.

Trust me, though, I would if I could... I can't, though, so I won't.

I do want something, though, so I'm going to work on that.

And that's why I havent' been writing.

I need something in order to be able to write.

I need that kick

That inspiration.

I need Her.

My muse.

In the meantime, though, I'll try and see what I can do without Her.