Wednesday, February 25, 2009

black lab. gates of the country

April
back in new york.
the 31st floor.
it seems somehow everything's changed.
the kitchen is too small,
plates on the wall.
the sound of machinery.

May
where have you been?
who were you running with?
wasn't he soemone you used to call home?
where is the ring?
where is the boy
who went traveling alone?
she is much better without me.
she walks
through the gates of the country,
hands at her side,
and she smiles as i watch her walk by.
somehow i see there are ships in her eyes.
she is better off now.

June.
the curtain is shut.
the patterns are cut.
the maid who will wake you at dawn
pulls out a chair,
pulls down your hair.
it's just like you wanted.

July.
what's going on?
what are you running from?
why are you sleeping alone on the floor?
some people change.
others hang on 'til they can't anymore.
she is much better without me.
she walks through the gates of the country
hands in the air.
and i smile as i watch her walk by.
somehow i see there are ships in her eyes.
she is much better now.
I think you can.....
I think you can....
I think you can....
...
...
..........
.
....
F that. I'm sure you will.

Monday, February 23, 2009


I almost died today.
No joke.
Near Death Experience #4,721 for me.
But that was the end of the weekend... I should probably start with the beginning. I'll make it quick, though, because while I enjoyed the weekend, I'm not so sure you will find it quite as interesting.
It all started on Friday. I left work a little early (around 6 instead of 6:30) and drove to Miami. Sounds easy, right? Not so much. I started with MASSIVE amounts of traffic in the Tampa area. That set me back about 45 minutes. Then came the route my GPS decided to take me on (which is, apparently, the best one) which took me on random highways through the middle of the state. at one point I sat and watched as a freight train inched by for 15 minutes until I was able to take the car out of park and start driving again. That was the first of two trains. And one 4-way stop sign. On a highway. yeah.
I got to Miami at around 11.30pm and just hung out with marco talking on the balcony of his hotel room listening to the waves roll in. We went to sleep around 4am and got up at around 8.30 for breakfast.
After that I hit up Boynton Beach to visit with my Aunt and Uncle as well as my cousin Emily who was down from Vermont visiting (for those of you who dont' know, Emily was married to Bob... the same bob I blogged about a little while ago who passed recently). We spent the day talking and eating and talking and then went to bed early.
Sunday morning was another trip down to Miami. This time for an Autism Awareness/Fundraising Walk. We met up with my cousin Orin and his wife and kids (well, just Orin at first, everyone else was on the walk) and talked some more. It was a beautiful day out and it was cool talking to Orin before he had to jet. Then, when the walk was over, we spent the day with Julie and the kids. At lunch I was attacked by the Zev-Monster and then he stole my french fries. Back at home, I wrestled with Reya as she beat me with pillows while I tickled her. A good time was had by all.
This morning started with a walk around a nature trail with my uncle, then breakfast with my aunt and Em. More talking. Hugging. Goodbyes. Then driving.
Oh, as a side note... I dropped my Oakleys today. The lenses are both slightly scratched and one of them popped out. I couldn't get it back in. I tried and tried and tried.... and, right before I pulled into a mall containing a Sunglass Hut, I got it. whew. Highway Time!
driving.... driving... driving... boring... driving... boring.... two lane highway... dotted yellow... driving.... going around a turn... yellow line solid.... RV!!!!
What!?!
Woah!!!
Swerve!!
WTF?!?
apparently, some genius driving an RV decided to pass a line of about six cars. An RV. Those thigns don't have the best pickup in the world. When I entered the curve, there wasn't a car ahead of me for miles.... when I came out of it, there was an RV coming right at me about 100 yards ahead.
It was like they were playing chicken.
I lost.
But I lived.
And that's a good thing.
At least... that's what I keep telling myself. :)
Anyways... I think I'm going to turn in early tonight... it was an eventful weekend... great to see some family... and marco (who really is family at this point).... so you folks enjoy yourselves... dream of chocolate bunnies and fruit-flavored rainbows.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

There are monsters under your bed


I remember being scared to death of falling asleep. This was back when I was a kid. I was still living in New York, so I was no older than seven. I wouldn't sleep with the lights on, or even a nightlight because that was childish, but I did keep a flashlight under my pillow. It was a small one, about the size of a zippo. I got it at the Ringling Bro's, Barnum and Bailey Circus. It was navy blue with a yellow top to it and a clown painted on the side in yellow. That flashlight was the only thing I had to keep me safe. To keep the darkness from closing in a little too tightly. I can remember so many nights that I fell asleep curled in a little ball in the corner of my bed, in the corner of my room, gripping that little light. I felt that, even if it wasn't on, just having it near me, just holding it, would be enough to keep away the darkness.


I lost that flashlight a long time ago. I won't get into the details, because they're not important. What's important is that it's gone. My light. My safety. Lost forever. It's kind of funny, thinking back on that. When I had that light, when I had that tallisman against the darkness, I felt safe from all the evils in the world. Once it was gone, though, I just decided that being afraid all the time just wasn't worth it. Even if the night was filled with monsters, that flashlight was not going to keep me safe. Nothing would. So I slept knowing that, yes, there are evils in this world and they would continue to be there whether I wanted them to be there or not. I slept knowing that there were just so many things that were utterly out of my control, so I thought about all those things that I could control. The most important thing, though, is that I slept.


And I think that's what I'm going to do now. Sleep easy, dear reader, and know that there probably are monsters under your bed and there's nothing you can do about it... so... tomorrow... let's make snowcones.


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Sometimes I wonder how long I can stare at a blank screen until words magically appear on it. It's like I can't sleep anymore until I write something, but sometimes I just don't have anything I really want to say...

I am still living with your ghost
Lonely and dreaming of the west coast
I dont want to be your downtime
I dont want to be your stupid game
With my big black boots and an old suitcase
I do believe Ill find myself a new place
I dont want to be the bad guy
I dont want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to see some palm trees
Go and try and shake away this disease
We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die
I am still dreaming of your face
Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away
I dont want to be your good time
I dont want to be your fall-back crutch anymore
Ill walk right out into a brand new day
Insane and rising in my own weird way
I dont want to be the bad guy
I dont want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to feel some sunshine
I just want to find some place to be alone
We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die

....

California dreaming, my friends.... that's where I am right now. Thinking of my next adventure. That's got me thinking about why I feel this need for change. Now that I've starting thinking about it, though, I don't really want to.

Shit.

So much is going to be happening and it's all happening so soon... I just wish it would all start already. I know, though, that once it does, everything is just going to fly by.

So, whenever anyone ever asks me, "what's up?" I usually answer with a "not much, you?" Well... here's what's up over the next few weeks...

2/14 - Sarasota with the Singles
2/21,22 - Boynton Beach / Miami to visit my aunt, uncle and cousins
2/28 - KT comes to town!
3/19-22 - Vega$
3/28 - Baseball Auction
4/7-14 - Project Cali 2! (consisting of SD-LA-SB-SD, with SB possibly canceled meaning more time in LA and/or SD)

So there you go... in a 2 month span I will spend approximately 2 weeks out of town.

Pure Insanity.

I said that I was looking for adventure.... looks like it's right there on the horizon.

Buckle up, folks, this is going to be a WiLd ride...

Sunday, February 8, 2009

There will be NO DANCING here!

Flash back with me to Cape Coral circa 1996. A teen-only dance club opens up in Cape Coral. It is called Danceteria... kind of like Cafeteria, only instead of Cafe, there's Dance. Clever, wasn't it? I ended up going there once. It was kind of pathetic. There were about six people there all huddled in one corner talking quietly amongst themselves while bad techno remixes of Mariah Carey songs blared so loudly that the floorboards were actually rattling from the bass. There was a table set up by the door with a burly bouncer checking ID’s, verifying that no one over the age of 18 got in. He was even giving out wristbands. My friend and I walked in, looked around, and walked right back out.

That was my first ever experience at a "club." Later that year, my friend's and I managed to make it over to Ft. Myers to an actual club that had actual people in it who were actually dancing. I remember being there with a group of about fifteen guys and two girls and we all just stood in a big circle talking over obscenely loud music in the dark.

We did not dance.

Then came 1997, my senior year of high school. I drove up to Ybor City with a couple of friends to go to The Castle. For those of you who have never been, The Castle is a Goth club in formerly sketchy area in Tampa, Florida. I wore a pair of tight black jeans, a black turtleneck and put a ridiculous amount of gel in my hair in order to make it stand straight up in spikes. I remember "dancing" with someone that may or may not have been a woman. I really was not sure, but the person seemed harmless enough, so we moved rhythmically to a strange industrial/dance mix. There was no touching. I spent the remainder of the evening sitting at a table with one of my friends making fun of everyone in the place, including ourselves.

That was it for me until the summer of 1999. No clubs. No dancing. No moving rhythmically to industrial/dance mixes. Nightlife for my friends and me consisted of playing Goldeneye on the Nintendo 64 for six hours straight. Then came TFR. Third Floor Rawlings. I chose that dorm for a summer semester because I had tennis class right downstairs every other morning. I was completely unaware of that particular floor’s legendary status. The floor was split with half guys, half girls. We shared a common area. No locks separating the guys from the girls. It was the most amazing summer of my life. No joke. So many stories... but that's not what we're here for, is it? No, no it is not.

You see, the summer of '99 was also the start of my Dancing Days. That's right. I was a clubbin' fool. It started with Ladies Night at the Purple Porpoise. I would go with Marc and Cindy and that crew from the dorm. We would get there, claim a table and send the ladies out to get free drinks and pass them along to us underage guys. That was the plan, anyway. On the very first time we went, my friend’s older sister spotted me with a beer in my hand. She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me on to the dance floor where we talked and danced all night. She kept feeding me beer, which was just an added bonus. I became an instant legend with my friends for getting picked up by such a hottie. I just neglected to tell them that she was one of my good friend’s sisters.

That became a weekly thing for us. A group of us from the dorm would go to the Porpoise, my friend's sister would find me, and we would dance the night away.

The next semester, 80's night was born. Before the summer of ’99 there is no way I would have been caught dead at a club on a Thursday night, let alone have been known as a regular. But that is exactly what happened that next semester. Every Thursday night I transformed from mild-mannered-everyday-Dave to Dave-Master-of-the-dance-floor! I would walk through the doors of the club simply known as The Theater with two women on each arm. I kid you not, friends. Two women. Each arm. All single. All beautiful. All mine… and Ben’s. Since I am the one telling the story, though, the women were with me and Ben was with Us. I am sure when Ben tells the story all the women are with him and I am not even there, so its all fair. But I digress. The six of us would walk in to that club like we owned the place. We would walk straight to the middle of the dance floor and instantly the entire club would ebb and flow with us. Men would flock to our ladies and, if given the signal, Ben or I would swoop in and save them from an over-aggressive or just plain under-whelming suitor, and women would gravitate towards Ben and I just because we were with other beautiful women. It was really a great system. By the time two o’clock hit and they were closing the doors, we would all be absolutely exhausted. We would then head to a diner across the street where we would order water by the pitcher instead of the glass and just sit around talking, laughing and rehydrating until our legs were strong enough to lift ourselves back up and carry us home.

Those were good times.

Lately, though, I save my moves for weddings and University of Florida National Championships.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I feel like I should be writing about some great epiphany or some witty observation of the world around me. Sorry to disappoint, but that's not what's coming tonight. Frankly, I'm not quite sure what's coming.

I want to travel.

Like, right now.

I want to get up, pack a backpack full of clothes and bathroom essentials and head to the airport and buy a plane ticket on the next flight out. I don't care where it's going, I just want to go.

I started looking in to taking a trip around the world. The other day I met a guy who runs a travel agency and he gave me a ballpark figure of about $5,000 in airfare, depending on where I want to go and when. That's just for the plane tickets. Hotel, food and other travel expenses would be additional. I'm trying to see if I can get someone to finance the trip if I write about it. Like, a daily blog of sorts. Maybe even tote along a video camera to post those RealWorld Confessional style clips where I spout out the dirty details that I normally wouldn't write about. I think it's a prett solid idea. All I need is a site to sponsor me.

That's all in the future, though.... the relatively distant future at that. What's coming sooner is... well.. the weekend after next.

I just found out that I'm off work for the entire weekend. Friday. Saturday. Sunday. No work. All play. What to do... what to do...? Any suggestions? The first thing I thought of was a quick--- wait... hold on a sec. Road trip?

Road TRIP????

Seriously, why not?

I was thinking of flying somewhere... but... why fly when you can drive?

Seriously.

Where should I go?

I could always drive myself down to the Cape for the weekend... Hang out with Jason... but... Savannah sounds kind of nice, doesn't it? Leave Friday morning, get there by Friday night. Have a nice dinner and maybe hit up a coffee house or bar before calling it a night. Spend Saturday exploring the city on foot.... taking in all the history... all the charm of the city... everything that Savannah has to offer.

New orleans could even be doable as a road trip. Much more car time, but it should be absolutely bonkers right now.

The Keys?

hmm....

I want an adventure.

One way or another I will be leaving Tampa.

Who's coming with me?

Tuesday, February 3, 2009




it only happens if it doesn't matter

it comes without effort

if you need it too much

if you try too hard

if you think think think about it

it will never happen

these small miracles

they just happen

they happen on their own terms

and in their own ways

turning green in to blue

turning heads in to tails

turning sound in to silence

lifting us off the ground

floating in the air

it only happens if it doesn't matter

it comes without effort

The Great Reveal!

when i walk in public
people think i'm smiling at them
but i'm not
i'm thinking of you.

...

a mystery... wrapped in an enigma... all covered in cheese.... That's how I described myself today. I liked it. So much so, that I used it in a blog. Right there. yeah...

So, why is it that I described myself like that, you ask? I'll tell you why.... Someone asked me, today, who the mysterious woman simply known as Batgirl is. Well, many of you already know the answer (considering, like, 4 people read this blog... Thanks Leann, Mike, Regina and the Batgirl herself!) It should come as no suprise that Batgirl is the only person (besides Mike) who's ever commented on any of these random ramblings....

That's the only hint I'll give you. It's a big hint, so I think we'll be ok.

...

The reason I wrote that first bit of the blog was because .... it's true. Tonight, for example. I was in Publix, minding my own business, holding 2 yogurts, a cannister of coolwhip and looking at the ice cream with a big ol' grin on my face. I couldn't quite decide which flavor to get. it's a very important decision, you know... not one to be taken lightly. It's almost like buying a T-Shirt. One can never be too carefull. Well, I had one container in my hand and was putting it back, having reconsidered, when I heard a voice from beside me.... "that one not doing it for you?" "nah... not feelin' rocky road... not tonight, anyways," I responded without taking my head out from the freezer... I could not be distracted, lest I make a decision I would regret later.... Otter Paws... there we go... just the ice cream I needed... "good choice," I heard the voice say... so this time, I looked up. "Indeed," I responded and began my exit. "Enjoy!" teh voice called out after me.... "Oh, I will... I will," I answered over my shoulder, not even turning around. It's not often I leave girls hanging in the freezer.... but there was a reason I was smiling when she walked up. ... and she wasn't it.

Then, I found myself in line getting ready to make my purchase. In front of me was a guy and his teenage son. They were buying microwave dinners at 9.30 at night. I didn't question. I just stood there thinking about Batgirl and coolwhip... smiling... when the dad says, "nice dinner"... small talk ensues. Normally I don't like talking to stangers. Lately, though, I have no problem making witty banter with strangers.

I'm just so darn happy all the time.

It's kind of sick.

I blame Batgirl.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

All work and no play
That's the way it is, ain't it?
There's a rhythm deep inside of you
And you must get reacquainted
When was the last time you danced?
When was the last time you danced?
Well come rock with me baby
Dance with me darling
Step with me sweetheart
The world is watching
Under an endless sky
Wish I could fly away forever
(and ever)
And the poetry is so pure
When we are on the floor together
(it's been a long time)
Don't deny me any further
Let me have my way
Oooh, come closer, yeah
Let's dance the night away