My First Proposal - Revisited

I've proposed to seven different women. One of them said yes. I think you all know what happened there, but I'm not so sure you know about all the others.
Actually, I lied already. I only wrote three sentences in that first paragraph and one of them contained a lie. Can you guess which one? I'll give you a hint... it wasn't the first and it wasn't the last. Got it? Okay, maybe you don't got it so let me spell it out for you. The second sentence was a lie. It wasn't intentional. It just wasn't true. Several of them said yes... or at least they didn't say "no." I only actually married one, though, and that's what I meant. I didn't mean for this to be a sticking point, I just wanted to be up front with you from the beginning. And speaking of the beginning, why don't I just get this story going and tell you about the first time I ever proposed.
I was forced into it.
Seriously.
I didn't want to do it, but she forced my hand. She even gave me the ring that I was supposed to give her when I asked. It was plastic. And pink. And I think my teacher actually gave it to her just for this purpose. She was all for the union, even if I was hesitant. We were in pre-school, so the teacher thought it was all fun and games, but I knew better. I knew Allison was looking for a lifelong partnership, but at five years of age, I just was not willing to make that kind of commitment.
I remember sitting on some steps leading from the school to the playground. It must have been recess (although it was pre-school, so what isn't recess when you're that young? I think it was just outdoor-controlled-madness as opposed to indoor-controlled-madness, but either way, we were definitely outside and sitting on steps at school.) She kept saying that we should get married and I kept giving her all sorts of perfectly logical reasons why we shouldn't.
When I told her, "We’re only five!" she would counter with "that's, like, a bazillion dog years! We can have a puppy wedding!" I never owned a dog so had no idea how old we were in dog years. Allison - 1 :: David - 0.
I said, "we don't have any money, how can we have a wedding, we can't even buy a cake let alone a car or a house, I'm in no position, financially, to support a family!" She responded with, "I have a cupcake and we can live with my parents, they like you!" I couldn't argue. When she produced the cupcake from her backpack, it looked delicious and her parents really did like me. Allison - 2 :: David 0.
I started to get worried, so I started reaching, "But I'm Jewish and you're a shiksa, it would never work out between us. My mother controls me and my grandparents would disown me if I married someone outside my faith!" I thought I had her with that one! I could smell victory and a life of bachelorhood and debauchery. But she was wiley, that Allison... She came back with the only thing that could throw a monkey wrench in my sterling logic, "what's Jewish?" Damn. She had me again. I was five, I didn't know what Jewish meant! I was barely able to dress myself let alone understand the complexities of my budding relationship with god! Allison - 3 :: David - 0.
She handed me the ring and told me to put it on her finger. I was out of excuses. I held the ring and looked into it's glossy pink surface and I could see my future. And that future was a frightening, frightening place. I could just see it now…
Engaged at five years old. Married by the first grade. I would move into her parent's basement until I hit puberty and moveI into her bedroom. My family would disown me, but, upon hearing that in middle school, I would decide to start myself on the track to become an accountant they would welcome me back with open arms after Allison converted to Judaism. In high school, on our tenth anniversary, we would get into a huge fight and I would call my friend with a car and he would pick me up and I would stay at his house for a week. We would make up and forget what the fight was even about. We'd move to the city after high school. I'd go to college, get my degree in accounting while she studied to become a teacher. Upon graduation we move back to the suburbs and celebrate our 14 year wedding anniversary and our 21st birthdays at the same time with the first bottle of wine we'd purchased legally. Our first child would be a boy and we would name him Alec, after my dad. The second would come two years later and we would name her Sarah.
It was all happening too fast. I was still five years old holding that pink, plastic ring. She was looking at me with those clear blue eyes.
I slipped the ring on her finger and she kissed me on the nose.
It was love.
But it didn't last. We went to different kindergarten schools.
Sometimes I wonder if she still has the ring.
I wonder if she married an accountant.

Wanderlust

It feels like everything is just spinning around in circles.

It's starting to take hold of me again. I've started researching Belize. Dreaming. Planning. How much money do I make? Ok... now how much can I save? Will that be enough? It will. I can do it. 5 years. If I get lucky I could do it sooner.

Seattle or Portland? Those could work too. Probably sooner. Definitely sooner. But definitely a different life than Belize. A much different life than bama. Much different than Florida, too. More my style. More so than Belize.

I don't know where these thoughts of me in a tropical paradise come from. That's not my style. I like the beach, but I'm not in love with it. I like cities too much to abandon that for an island. Don't I? I think I do. What do I really know, though?

Not a whole heck of a lot, I can tell you that right now.

What would I do in Belize? Like, what would I do for a job. How would I earn a living. I'm not a farmer. I don't grow things or raise things or even make things. Maybe I could open a resort of some sort. The only business skill I really have is communicating with people. Maybe I could do some sort of sales or marketing for an existing something or other.

Or maybe staying in the states is really the best bet for me.

Moving out west.

Not Cali, though... for how much I love it there, I just don't think it's the right fit for me. Don't get me wrong, if the opportunity presented itself there's a definite chance I'd take it, but I don't really see myself there. Not long term.

Long term.

That's a concept I don't really know much about.

It seems like my life exists in six month increments.

Planning for this trip.

Going here.

Going there.

Moving here.

Moving there.

Maybe Belize.

Maybe Portland.

Maybe Detroit.

Wait...

Detroit?

Who knows any more... I sure as heck don't.

For now, though... it's 16 Days until Vegas with The Crew. After that, it's 6 months until.... well, we'll just have to see about that, won't we?

When I can't sleep....

When I'm just laying in bed and I can't sleep, I've gotten in the habit of writing little notes in my phone. The following are a bunch of little snippits that I've written before falling asleep:
...
i do what i do
and i do it well
i just dont' do it very often
so it can be hard to tell
i won't say that it's easy
but i will tell you this
when i do pull that trigger
i never miss
...
there's something about her... she reminds me of.. the past. of things I used to want. things I used to be. What I was becoming... but I've become something different. someone different. What you see really is what you get... and you ain't seen a damn thing yet
...
her ink is her art
and with it
she's won my heart
...
i want to change the world
i want to make something so big
so huge
that life just won't be the same when i'm done.
if you love me
let me know
and we'll fly so high that we'll never see the ground again
just let me know
and i'll make your dreams in this world
just let me know
and i'll re-make this world
just let me know
and we'll be king and queen of this world

Cool New Watch

Who needs a watch face? I was roaming the interwebs tonight where I came across this gem. Full touch screen allows you to pull up the time when you want it, and you can set the alarm to vibrate when you need a reminder of a specific time. I know I don't always want to lug my phone out every time I want to see what time it is, so I definitely still wear a watch... Mutewatch.... the watch in disguise!

http://www.mutewatch.com/

there's just something about a night with you on my mind
its like i can still feel you with me
the smell of your hair right after you got out of the shower
the way my hand fit on the small of your back