My First Proposal - Revisited

I've proposed to seven different women. One of them said yes. I think you all know what happened there, but I'm not so sure you know about all the others.
Actually, I lied already. I only wrote three sentences in that first paragraph and one of them contained a lie. Can you guess which one? I'll give you a hint... it wasn't the first and it wasn't the last. Got it? Okay, maybe you don't got it so let me spell it out for you. The second sentence was a lie. It wasn't intentional. It just wasn't true. Several of them said yes... or at least they didn't say "no." I only actually married one, though, and that's what I meant. I didn't mean for this to be a sticking point, I just wanted to be up front with you from the beginning. And speaking of the beginning, why don't I just get this story going and tell you about the first time I ever proposed.
I was forced into it.
Seriously.
I didn't want to do it, but she forced my hand. She even gave me the ring that I was supposed to give her when I asked. It was plastic. And pink. And I think my teacher actually gave it to her just for this purpose. She was all for the union, even if I was hesitant. We were in pre-school, so the teacher thought it was all fun and games, but I knew better. I knew Allison was looking for a lifelong partnership, but at five years of age, I just was not willing to make that kind of commitment.
I remember sitting on some steps leading from the school to the playground. It must have been recess (although it was pre-school, so what isn't recess when you're that young? I think it was just outdoor-controlled-madness as opposed to indoor-controlled-madness, but either way, we were definitely outside and sitting on steps at school.) She kept saying that we should get married and I kept giving her all sorts of perfectly logical reasons why we shouldn't.
When I told her, "We’re only five!" she would counter with "that's, like, a bazillion dog years! We can have a puppy wedding!" I never owned a dog so had no idea how old we were in dog years. Allison - 1 :: David - 0.
I said, "we don't have any money, how can we have a wedding, we can't even buy a cake let alone a car or a house, I'm in no position, financially, to support a family!" She responded with, "I have a cupcake and we can live with my parents, they like you!" I couldn't argue. When she produced the cupcake from her backpack, it looked delicious and her parents really did like me. Allison - 2 :: David 0.
I started to get worried, so I started reaching, "But I'm Jewish and you're a shiksa, it would never work out between us. My mother controls me and my grandparents would disown me if I married someone outside my faith!" I thought I had her with that one! I could smell victory and a life of bachelorhood and debauchery. But she was wiley, that Allison... She came back with the only thing that could throw a monkey wrench in my sterling logic, "what's Jewish?" Damn. She had me again. I was five, I didn't know what Jewish meant! I was barely able to dress myself let alone understand the complexities of my budding relationship with god! Allison - 3 :: David - 0.
She handed me the ring and told me to put it on her finger. I was out of excuses. I held the ring and looked into it's glossy pink surface and I could see my future. And that future was a frightening, frightening place. I could just see it now…
Engaged at five years old. Married by the first grade. I would move into her parent's basement until I hit puberty and moveI into her bedroom. My family would disown me, but, upon hearing that in middle school, I would decide to start myself on the track to become an accountant they would welcome me back with open arms after Allison converted to Judaism. In high school, on our tenth anniversary, we would get into a huge fight and I would call my friend with a car and he would pick me up and I would stay at his house for a week. We would make up and forget what the fight was even about. We'd move to the city after high school. I'd go to college, get my degree in accounting while she studied to become a teacher. Upon graduation we move back to the suburbs and celebrate our 14 year wedding anniversary and our 21st birthdays at the same time with the first bottle of wine we'd purchased legally. Our first child would be a boy and we would name him Alec, after my dad. The second would come two years later and we would name her Sarah.
It was all happening too fast. I was still five years old holding that pink, plastic ring. She was looking at me with those clear blue eyes.
I slipped the ring on her finger and she kissed me on the nose.
It was love.
But it didn't last. We went to different kindergarten schools.
Sometimes I wonder if she still has the ring.
I wonder if she married an accountant.