that didn't take long...

I'm already blogging... already.

It's just what I do when I'm thinking. It's a way for me to help me get my thoughts and feelings organized, even if I don't really know what they are.

Like right now.

What am I thinking?

I don't know.

A Lot.

What am I feeling?

I don't know.

More than I want to.

My heavy bag is back up. My hands are wrapped. My shoulders burn. My back is screaming. My shorts are soaked in sweat. My knuckles are begining to bleed.

And my feet are cold. I can't figure that one out... it just doesn't seem to go along with all the rest, but it's there.

Those are all things that can be controled, though, so it makes it better.

It makes it easier.

There is so much of the world that is completely out of our control. Whether a penny lands on heads or on tails. Who lives and who dies. Who falls in love with who. There are no hard and fast rules that govern these things and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to control them.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't care or that life doesn't hurt sometimes. I'm just saying that, sometimes, there are just some things you cannot control and you just shouldn't let those things control you.

It's okay to be angry. It's ok to be sad. To be hurt. These things are all natural and good in their own way. They let you appreciate the everything else that the world and that life have to offer.

And they let you appreciate all the things that you Can control.

... Speaking of which... I'm going to hurl myself back at the punching bag... A Perfect Circle is turned up to drown out the world. The blinds are shut. It's dark. My heart is pounding and hurting and wants to hurt something back. I'm sorry, punching bag. I choose you.

I didn't want to know
I just didn't want to know
Best to keep things in the shallow end
Cause I never quite learned how to swim
I just didn't want to know
Didn't want
Didn't want
Didn't want
Didn't want
Close my eyes just to look at you
Taken by the seamless vision
I close my eyes
Ignore the smoke
Ignore the smoke
Ignore the smoke
Call an optimist, she's turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call it aftermath, she's turning blue
While I just sit and stare at you
Because I don't want to know
I didn't want to know
I just didn't want to know
I just didn't want
Mistook their nods for an approval
Just ignore the smoke and smile
Call an optimist, she's turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call an optimist, she's turning blue
Such a perfect color for your eyes
Call an optimist , she's turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call an optimist, she's turning blue
While I just sit and stare at you
I don't want to know