I cannot seem to fall asleep at night anymore.
I can't.
Its like I just can't turn off my brain anymore. It used to be so easy, too. I mean, normally I am the least stressed person I know. In fact, I usually have this ability to suck the stress out of my friends and let it just dissipate into oblivion leaving them calm, cool and collected.
Right now, though, I just can't seem to fall asleep. There is just too much going on for me to just be able to relax and let it all go. There is just too much uncertainty--too much that I don't know--and it's killing me.
In four days the company I work for is announcing a major restructuring. Of my six peers, two of us will still have jobs similar to the ones we are currently in. The other four will be offered a lower position or a severance package. I have never wanted to finish third so badly in my entire life.
That's right, I want to be laid off.
I want that severance.
If I get it, then I am selling all of my furniture, packing up my car and driving from Florida to California to move in with a friend out there and start fresh. That severance package will double the amount I have saved for the move and make being unemployed bearable... at least for a few months. That severance package will give me enough cushion to find a job that I want while still living the lifestyle I am used to.
If I get offered one of the new positions, though... if I get told that I'm the best person they've got and they just cannot stand to lose me... if I'm told, in four days, that I still have a job, I'm screwed. I mean, I could still move out to California, but with half as much money. Yes, California, land of twelve percent unemployment. California, land of a 46% cost of living increase. Land of beautiful beaches, beautiful mountains and beautiful people. Where I have friends and family.
I keep going back and forth. If I get offered a severance package, I'm gone like Tron. If I don't, though... can I still afford to move out there?
I just don't know right now.
So that leaves me in a bit of a pickle right now. My entire life--my entire future--hangs in the balance. As the all mighty Clash once put it... Should I stay or should I go?
I can't.
Its like I just can't turn off my brain anymore. It used to be so easy, too. I mean, normally I am the least stressed person I know. In fact, I usually have this ability to suck the stress out of my friends and let it just dissipate into oblivion leaving them calm, cool and collected.
Right now, though, I just can't seem to fall asleep. There is just too much going on for me to just be able to relax and let it all go. There is just too much uncertainty--too much that I don't know--and it's killing me.
In four days the company I work for is announcing a major restructuring. Of my six peers, two of us will still have jobs similar to the ones we are currently in. The other four will be offered a lower position or a severance package. I have never wanted to finish third so badly in my entire life.
That's right, I want to be laid off.
I want that severance.
If I get it, then I am selling all of my furniture, packing up my car and driving from Florida to California to move in with a friend out there and start fresh. That severance package will double the amount I have saved for the move and make being unemployed bearable... at least for a few months. That severance package will give me enough cushion to find a job that I want while still living the lifestyle I am used to.
If I get offered one of the new positions, though... if I get told that I'm the best person they've got and they just cannot stand to lose me... if I'm told, in four days, that I still have a job, I'm screwed. I mean, I could still move out to California, but with half as much money. Yes, California, land of twelve percent unemployment. California, land of a 46% cost of living increase. Land of beautiful beaches, beautiful mountains and beautiful people. Where I have friends and family.
I keep going back and forth. If I get offered a severance package, I'm gone like Tron. If I don't, though... can I still afford to move out there?
I just don't know right now.
So that leaves me in a bit of a pickle right now. My entire life--my entire future--hangs in the balance. As the all mighty Clash once put it... Should I stay or should I go?
1 comment:
I hope everything works out and you get let go (?). That sounds kind of weird.
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