pops

I had a pretty good night tonight. I talked with Batgirl about plans for the weekend and I talked with Bordo about plans for the week+end and I went out to dinner with some friends and I watched a movie with those same friends and when I was driving home, I started thinking.

Dangerous, right?

Isn't it illegal to think and drive?

Wait... no.. that's drink and drive.... oh well. w/e.

I'm not sure where this thought came from, but all of a sudden there it was.

I wondered what my dad would think about my life. What he would think of where I am, the decisions that I've made and the future that lies ahead of me.

it's not like I was one of those kids always seeking my dad's approval or anything. In fact, his love was unconditional. It seemed like, growing up, there was little i could ever do wrong in his eyes. Well... besides misbehaving. What I mean is that whenever there was a decision to be made regarding my life or my future, he let me make it. No matter what my decision was, he backed me in it. He would give me advice when I asked for it, and even when I went against it (which wasn't very often) he supported me.

Over these last few years I have made a LOT of decisions. Some of them pretty big. Life changing. And I know some of them weren't the best decisions. I won't call them mistakes, because they led me to where I am today.... but they certainly weren't the smartest. The easiest example to pick is that I should never have moved to Tampa on a whim, without a job. That was not smart.

I still think it was the right thing, though.

As for this next move... If you were to look at my life, where I am right now, I'm happy. I really am. I like my job and I'm in position to excell in it. I love my friends here. At almost any given time I can make a phone call and have someone to meet me out for dinner or drinks or a movie or whatever, really. My life here is good and every day it looks a little better.

But I'm leaving.

Again.

Is this a decision that my dad would approve of?

I think it is.

I really do.

I never got the chance to become friends with my dad as an adult. I mean, we were friends. We were great friends. But I was so young when he passed away, I wasn't nearly as mature as I am now, and I never got to know him as I know my friends now. What I do know, though, is that he lived via his heart. His work wasn't his passion, it was just a means to an end. A Paycheck. His passion was his family. His parents, his sister, his neices and nephews, his cousins and his children. He loved my sister and I so much, he treasured us when we moved down to Florida to live with him. He didn't always make the right decisions, but he did what he thought was best for us. He did what he thought was best for our family, sacrificing more than my sister and I ever knew.

So, yeah, I do think he would support my decision to pack up and move out west. He would call it my Manifest Destiny. He would tell me that I needed to do whatever it is that I thought would make me happy. He would hate to see me go, but he would love to watch me grow, whether through success or through failure. As long as I followed my heart, he would understand.