the rain came down
and washed me away
it washed me away
and took me to a place
so far from home
...
I'm trying to picture my house.
My eyes are closed right now.
My first thought, when I think about "my house" is my first house.
Long Island.
When I lived there it was such a big house. Two stories. The downstairs had a living room, a dining room, a kitchen and a den. The basement was divided into two huge open spaces. One area was the laundry room, and the other was just an open space. At some point my sister and I turned it from a storage place to a place for us to hang out / play. Then there was the upstairs. Three bedrooms and one and a half bath up there. As you reached the top of the stairs, my sister's room was to the right and the bathroom was across the hall from her. Keep going to the end of the hall and you have the master bedroom (my mom's room) on the right and my room on the left. The place was huge.
Was.
When I went back a few years later, all I could think was how small everything looked.
I guess it's really all about perspective. It WAS huge when I lived there. It wasn't just that I was smaller. That house was my whole life back then. Over the 3 years between visits, a lot had changed. The world changed. It grew from that one house on that one street to the entire east coast.

The next house I think of is The House. College. The crazy druggies folowed by the best friends. It was an older house. Definitely well lived in. We had some very good times in that house. The House.

The next house on the list is the one we bought. We searched all of Gainesville before we found something that ws right. And it was definitely right. And it was ours.
And then it wasn't.

Now I want to build a house of my own. I'm prety sure it's a pipe dream for right now, but I still want to try.
I'm not talking about building it by hand... 'thought I do think that would be pretty cool... I want to design a house and have it built.
I can't picture this one in my head just yet. I spent a good chunk of the evening looking at all these modern home designs. I love how open they are.
I love how simple they are.
I just don't love how expensive it would be to do what I want to do.
I don't want to do anything cookie cutter, I know that.
I want something that is unique.
Something that is mine.
Something clean
and clear.
natural.
In one iteration from earlier, it was a two story house. On the first floor were the two guest bedrooms and a kitchen that opened up into a large living room as if it were just a natural extension of the same space. There was a spiral staircase leading to the second floor, which was a loft, open to look over the living room. The wall opposite the loft stretched from the floor on the first level to the roof, and was completely glass, so it didn't matter whether you were in the kitchen, living room or bedroom, you could see straight out to the rest of the world. Which would be great if it were overlooking the water or in a secluded wood... but in a run of the mill neighborhood? I don't think so....

Anyways... I'll do some research to see what I can afford tomorrow... in the meantime, though, I'm off to bed.