its all a blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

sometimes i think that i want too much....

i just don't know what it is.

i mean,

i have this general idea of what i want...

i can see its shape,

but it's fuzzy,

and sometimes it seems so fucking far away.

...

life is a puzzle

with millions of pieces.

some days those pieces just seem to fall into place

other days

it's a fight just to keep the whole thing from falling apart.

...

i know, i know

we've been down this road before

i've felt these things

said these words

and looked into your same, sad eyes

and every time i hope for something different

but every time

its just the same

...

i wonder what she thinks every time she sees my name.

am i just a blip on the screen?

here and then gone again.

fleeting.

or do i linger in her thoughts

in her dreams

the way she's always here with me?

...

I shed my skin again

and I shed my skin again

hoping to begin again

hoping it's not the same old thing again

if not now, then when?

it must be time to shed my skin again.

...

I want to be on the beach right now.

My feet in the cold sand

The moon reflecting on the water

Lights in the distance

Sounds of music and laughter

Being hushed by the surf.

...

Some nights i love writing like this... little snippits of thought. nothing complete. nothing whole. no real beginnings and no real ends. like a page from life. every story is ongoing. there are no ends. there are callbacks. and memories. regrets. laughs. inside jokes. dreams and nightmares. everything comes back.

anyways... this didn't end anything like it started. i had an idea. a plan. i had something to say. instead, i leave you feeling... incomplete. maybe whatever it is that i'm missing will come to me in my dreams....

but

probably not.