Bad Things

When you came in
The air went out
And every shadow
Filled up with doubt
I don't know who you are
But before the night is through
I wanna do bad things with you...

I'm the kind to sit up in his room
Hearts sick and eyes filled up with gloom
I don't know what you've done to me
But I know this much is true
I wanna do bad things with you...

I wanna do real bad things with you

And she was beautiful...

It took a moment.
That was all.
She made me smile.
I touched her skin.
She brushed back her hair.

She was beautiful.
She was all I'd ever need.

L.Zepp - Going To California

Spend my days with a woman unkind

smoked my stuff and drank all my wine

Made up my mind to make a new start

Goign to California with an aching in my heart

Someone told me there's a girl out there

with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair

Took my chances on a big jet plane

never let them tell you that they're always the same

The sea was red and the sky was grey

wondered how tomorrow could ever follow today

The mountains and the canyons started to tremble and shake

as the children of the sun began to wake

Seems that the wrath of the Gods

Got a punch on the nose and it started to flow;

I think I might be sinking

Throw me a line if I reach it in time

I'll meet you up there where the path

Runs straight and high

To find a queen without a king,

They say she plays guitar and cries and sings

Ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn

Tryin to find a woman who's never, never, never been born

standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

telling myself its not as hard, hard, hard as it seems

...

And with that I will let Ledd Zeppelin guide me through my mountain of dreams

Goodnight, world.

goodnight.

wine. lots of wine.

Ok.
I need to set the record straight.
There are some people out there who think my other blog is my main one.
You are incorrect.
This is my main escape from reality.
The other blog is more of a professional thing. I used it the one time to vent my .... frustrations(?) there.

This blog, though... this is wehre all the magic really happens.

This is where you learn about all the inner workings of All That Is Dave.

If its something that's had a great affect on me, its almost definitely here.

And I'm talking about in a personal way.

My mom.
My dad.
My sister.
My friends.
My many loves.
All here.
All an open book.

I may tell stories...
I may state fact that aren't 100% truth.

But every feeling.
Every emotion.
Everthing that really counts...
That's the truth....
...
....
.....
...... ......
...
Right now?
you want to know what's going on rihgt now?

I suppose I'll tell you...
Deja Vu.

Everything that's happening right now
feels like its happened before
...
and i'm afraid
more than just a little afraid

i'm guarded.

i'm....
well...

I'm the same as I've always been.

head over heels
head first
headstrong

I'm constantly looking around at my life and figuring out what's important
what i really want

i look at what other people have
and i look at what i have

and i try and figure out what it is that i want

i try and figure out what it is that i really want

what's important

what i can't live without

It was over before it even started

One night to be confused

One night to speed up truth

We had a promise made

Four hands and then away

Both under unfluence

We had divine sense

To know what to say

Mind is a razor blade

To call for hands of above

To lean on Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

No

One night of magic rush

The start of a simple touch

One night to push and scream

And then, sweet relief

Ten days of perfect tunes

The colors red and blue

We had a promise made

We were in love

To call for hands of above

To lean on

Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

No

To call for hands above

To lean on

Wouldn't be good enough

And you, you knew the hands of the devil

And you, kept us awake with wolf teeth

Sharing different heartbeats

In one night

To call for hands of above

To lean on

Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

No

To call for hands of above

To lean on

Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

No.

Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

No.

...

I really wanted to grab my mic and make this an audio blog. I think I've done that before.

Actually

I know I have.

I've just never posted them that way.

It seems like whenever I'm talking, I'm stumbling over the right words

trying to figure out the right thing to say

even as I'm saying them all wrong

But whenever I'm at my keyboard, everything seems to flow... the words come. They just always seem to sound right.

At least they do for the most part.

Even when they don't sound right, they are always true. I mean, with the exceptions of the stories I sometimes tell... those aren't always true, but the meaning behind them--the feeling behind them--those are always true.

...

I saw the play Frankie and Johnny the other day... I liked it.

The actors were good and the play was good, but I don't think the actors fit their roles.

I definitely related with the main guy, though. Minus the fact that he was fresh out of prison. I, personally, have never been to prison. But the whole point of the play is that this guy hooks up with this girl and then doesn't leave. She tries to push him out, but he tries to convince her that its more than just a one night stand.

He says things he shouldn't.

He moves too quickly.

He scares her away.

But he's persistant.

He doesn't relent.

He doesn't let her just push him out the door.

They get to know each other.

They share their stories.

By the time the sun rises, he's still there

And she's glad he is.

There's a line in the play that really stuck out to me. At one point during the play, Frankie tells Johnny:

Everything I want is in this room.

I think about that line...

Everything I want is in this room....

and I look around

I look around at my room

and I look around at my life

and I can feel it

Everything I want is close

its not here

but its close

I can almost feel it.

I can tell you this, too... as soon as I find that one missing piece there is absolutely nothing that can make me let go.

That, my friends, is a promise.

Tonight I Played In The Rain

don't ask me what she'd say... if you want to know, just ask her for yourself. i'm tired of the questions and i'm tired of the way this just keeps going around in circles
...
i asked her where she wanted to go and her answer was Everywhere
i asked her what she wanted to do and her answer was that she wanted to Be Happy
she asked me where i wanted to go and i answered Anywhere With You
and she asked me what i wanted to do and i answered that i wanted to Be Happy With You
...
i thought there was going to be more... instead it looks like there is going to be sleep.
you should go to sleep too.
its late.
we're both tired.
we'll pick this up another time.
promise.

The Key to Happiness

Its simple, it really is, being happy. I was going to draw this out and explain how I discovered they key to being happy. I was going to have this whole big build up and then leave you with that final epiphone. But I'm not going to. I'm going to be straight up with you and tell you right now. The key to being happy is watching the sun rise. That's it. Its that simple. Watching the sun rise is the key to happiness, and now I'm going to tell you how I came up with that.

First, lets start with the two most obvious. The sun rise is beautiful. I mean, have you ever watched one? Like, really watched it? It's fucking amazing. The dark night slowly fading away to reveal that pre-dawn light where everything is just kind of there and the explosion of color as the sun peaks over the horizon filling the formerly gray world with color. Its beautiful. And when you think about it, what is "being happy" if its not living a life that is beautiful.

The next obvious reason is the whole metaphorical one. You know... A new day, new beginning. A fresh start. If yesterday was bad, then its the sign that yesterday is completely over and today has begun. Anything that needs to be left behind is officially behind and we are free to begin anew. If yesterday was great, well then today provides us with another opportunity to experience that greatness. The sun rise brings with it a blank canvas upon which we can create anything we desire.

Ok, those were the obvious ones. Those were the reasons that anyone can see just by watching the sun rise. I will highlite three particular sunrises that brought me to my conclusion.

The first sunrise I ever remember seeing was the day after my mom had her stroke. I was seven years old and had no idea what happened, let alone what was going to happen to me over the course of the next few months. I knew that my mom was sick and I was staying at a friend's house down the block. Even though it had been a light night--a scary night--I couldn't sleep. I remember sitting up most of the night in my friend's living room gripping a flashlight that I used to keep under my pillow to keep the monsters at bay. That whole night I stared at the window waiting for... I don't know what I was waiting for. I guess I was waiting for the night to just come to an end. I was waiting for a new day to start. I was waiting for someone to tell me what was happening--waiting for someone to tell me that everything was going to be ok. Really, though, I guess I was probably waiting for my mom to come home. As the stars began to fade away and the trees that had been invisible all night slowly came in to focus I moved my vigil from the living room floor to the front stoop. The air was still warm. It was late August. I was wearing my spiderman pajamas and still gripping that flashlight as if letting it go was letting go of the only light I would ever hold close again. I was sitting there thinking whatever it is that seven year old boys think about during rough times. And then the sun started rising. I saw shadows where there weren't any before. Color was creeping in to the sky. It all happened so fast. The sky went from grey to orange to yellow and then the sun burst up so quickly I couldn't stop rubbing my eyes and then there it was. The sun hung just over the treeline, a golden ball surrounded by deep orange in the now blue sky. I remember being amazed about how fast it was. Being surrounded by darkness, then the sun rise--so amazing--and then just like that, it was a day just like all the others I'd seen before it. And, right then, that was exactly what I needed. Something beautiful and amazing followed by a day like any other.

The second sun rise I shall use as proof for my hypothesis took place while I was in college. I know I've told you guys that I used to go for longs walks with my friends back then, but for those of you that are new to The Life of Dave.... I used to go for long walks with my friends back then. There were only three people that really accompanied me on these late night treks. One I married, the other was Mary and the third was Bryan. It didn't matter which of the three it was, all of the walks went about the same way. Actually, scratch that. At some point the walks with the one I married turned into more than just walks, if you know what I mean... but besides that, they were all the same. The walks would usually start around midnight, we would talk about whatever it was in the world that was bothering us and we never cared where we went. We walked just to be outside and enjoy each other's company. On one such walk (this one with the one I married) we ended up stopping by a friend's graphic design lab in the middle of the night to bring him a snack, knowing he'd be there working late. He did that. While there, he told us about the late nights he and his fellow students would be up so late working that they pilfered a key to the roof to go up and watch the sun rise as a break from the computer screens. We thought this was a fantastic idea and vowed to return at dawn to enjoy this ritual with a close friend. Fast forward a few more hours, more than a few miles and we returned to the same place. The three of us went up to the roof of the Fine Arts building where there were already chairs set up for the students to unwind. We sat on that roof talking until the sky began to get just a shade lighter. As we talked, our eyes kept darting back to the horizon waiting for that first great ray of light to break. After about twenty more minutes of gray sky, we realized that it was just too overcast. The sun had risen behind a layer of clouds. We all just looked at each other with such disappointment on our faces. The company could not have been better, but the thing that had brought us together never came. Looking back on that night the main thing I remember is that feeling that something was missed.

Flash forward a few weeks and the opposite happened. I was on a walk with Bryan and we just talked the whole night. At one point we realized that the sun was going to rise shortly, so we went to a building where my friend Kate was working ridiculously early. We kidnapped her from her office and dragged her outside where we just watched the sun rise over the campus. After the beautiful show, we went back inside and continued talking for who knows how long. We shared something that day and we were all happy. Thinking back to how content we were after watching the sun rise makes the disappointment for missing it with the girl I loved that much worse.

So there you have it, folks... Whether you're staying up way too late or waking up way too early you should treat yourself from time to time.

Watch the sun rise.

You won't be disappointed.