Two Things

When you boil it all down to the nitty gritty, there are really just two reasons that I am the way that I am.  God and my sister.

I was always close with my sister.  When I was a wee lad, I was her annoying little brother.  I used to follow her around and always wanted to do whatever it was she was doing.  I looked up to her.

As I got older I began to see her as a person, not just a big sister.  I saw that she had faults. She had flaws.  But she was also smart.  And I know the reason behind a lot of what she did.

Throughout all of my childhood, though, she was my one constant.  She was the one who taught me what it meant to be strong.  To be brave.  She also taught me how to be kind and how to listen.

Up until very recently, I'm not sure she knew how much I give her credit for the man that I have become.  She did good.

The other Person I gave credit to was God.  This is where it getsasdf a asasdfdflittle asfbit tricky.  Ever since I was eight years old and given the choice whether or noasdfasdfasdfasdt I wantedsadf  sdaf to practice organized religion I have chosen not to.  I have thought about this tasdfasdfasdfasdfopic a lot over the years and each time I have come to the same conclusion.  Organized religion is too confining.  There are so many laws and rules that all stem from a book that is some 2,000 years old.

The world has changed in 2,000 years.  Quite a bit, in fact.  The confines of religion have not, though.  The idea of God has been used as a weapon against both change as well as things that aren't understood for centuries.  Frankly, I don't really forsee that changing at any time in the near future, either.

So what do I believe in?

Well, ever since high school my stock answer has been "Myself.  I believe that I am a good person and, if I want to live in a world that I find bearable, I ought to treat other people in a way that I want to be treated in the hopes that they reciprocate."  (There are two things I took away from Hebrew school growing up. 1. The Golden Rule, 2. Don't walk in front of me because I may not follow, don't walk behind me because I may not lead, just walk beside me and be my friend.)

I felt that no supreme being coud have made a world like the one we live in.  No God could have taken my mother from me.  No God could be ok with that.  I just could not believe that.

Recently, though, I have been doing a lot of thinking.  I started thinking back to a time in high school when Iused to go to youth services at a baptist church with one of my friends.  One of the minister's sermons (the only only Iremember, actually) was about how God is Love.

Love is inside all of us.  It connects us with our family and our friends.  Since it is a common trait, it is also something that connects us to strangers as well.  You know, since God is Love and all.  He is inside each of us, connecting us, giving us a reason to be kind, to have mercy and pity.  To be human.

Thinking about it now, though, I'm starting to think that maybe when I've said that the only God I believe in is myself, well, maybe that is the same God that is in everyone else.  I still have no faith in organized religion (please forgive the pun) but its interesting to think about myself believing in any God at all.

Anyways.  Its late and I'm tired, so I think its time I call it a night.  You folks have yourselves a very pleasant evening and remember the Golden Rule!