It was over before it even started

One night to be confused

One night to speed up truth

We had a promise made

Four hands and then away

Both under unfluence

We had divine sense

To know what to say

Mind is a razor blade

To call for hands of above

To lean on Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

No

One night of magic rush

The start of a simple touch

One night to push and scream

And then, sweet relief

Ten days of perfect tunes

The colors red and blue

We had a promise made

We were in love

To call for hands of above

To lean on

Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

No

To call for hands above

To lean on

Wouldn't be good enough

And you, you knew the hands of the devil

And you, kept us awake with wolf teeth

Sharing different heartbeats

In one night

To call for hands of above

To lean on

Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

No

To call for hands of above

To lean on

Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

No.

Wouldn't be good enough

For me,

No.

...

I really wanted to grab my mic and make this an audio blog. I think I've done that before.

Actually

I know I have.

I've just never posted them that way.

It seems like whenever I'm talking, I'm stumbling over the right words

trying to figure out the right thing to say

even as I'm saying them all wrong

But whenever I'm at my keyboard, everything seems to flow... the words come. They just always seem to sound right.

At least they do for the most part.

Even when they don't sound right, they are always true. I mean, with the exceptions of the stories I sometimes tell... those aren't always true, but the meaning behind them--the feeling behind them--those are always true.

...

I saw the play Frankie and Johnny the other day... I liked it.

The actors were good and the play was good, but I don't think the actors fit their roles.

I definitely related with the main guy, though. Minus the fact that he was fresh out of prison. I, personally, have never been to prison. But the whole point of the play is that this guy hooks up with this girl and then doesn't leave. She tries to push him out, but he tries to convince her that its more than just a one night stand.

He says things he shouldn't.

He moves too quickly.

He scares her away.

But he's persistant.

He doesn't relent.

He doesn't let her just push him out the door.

They get to know each other.

They share their stories.

By the time the sun rises, he's still there

And she's glad he is.

There's a line in the play that really stuck out to me. At one point during the play, Frankie tells Johnny:

Everything I want is in this room.

I think about that line...

Everything I want is in this room....

and I look around

I look around at my room

and I look around at my life

and I can feel it

Everything I want is close

its not here

but its close

I can almost feel it.

I can tell you this, too... as soon as I find that one missing piece there is absolutely nothing that can make me let go.

That, my friends, is a promise.

Tonight I Played In The Rain

don't ask me what she'd say... if you want to know, just ask her for yourself. i'm tired of the questions and i'm tired of the way this just keeps going around in circles
...
i asked her where she wanted to go and her answer was Everywhere
i asked her what she wanted to do and her answer was that she wanted to Be Happy
she asked me where i wanted to go and i answered Anywhere With You
and she asked me what i wanted to do and i answered that i wanted to Be Happy With You
...
i thought there was going to be more... instead it looks like there is going to be sleep.
you should go to sleep too.
its late.
we're both tired.
we'll pick this up another time.
promise.

The Key to Happiness

Its simple, it really is, being happy. I was going to draw this out and explain how I discovered they key to being happy. I was going to have this whole big build up and then leave you with that final epiphone. But I'm not going to. I'm going to be straight up with you and tell you right now. The key to being happy is watching the sun rise. That's it. Its that simple. Watching the sun rise is the key to happiness, and now I'm going to tell you how I came up with that.

First, lets start with the two most obvious. The sun rise is beautiful. I mean, have you ever watched one? Like, really watched it? It's fucking amazing. The dark night slowly fading away to reveal that pre-dawn light where everything is just kind of there and the explosion of color as the sun peaks over the horizon filling the formerly gray world with color. Its beautiful. And when you think about it, what is "being happy" if its not living a life that is beautiful.

The next obvious reason is the whole metaphorical one. You know... A new day, new beginning. A fresh start. If yesterday was bad, then its the sign that yesterday is completely over and today has begun. Anything that needs to be left behind is officially behind and we are free to begin anew. If yesterday was great, well then today provides us with another opportunity to experience that greatness. The sun rise brings with it a blank canvas upon which we can create anything we desire.

Ok, those were the obvious ones. Those were the reasons that anyone can see just by watching the sun rise. I will highlite three particular sunrises that brought me to my conclusion.

The first sunrise I ever remember seeing was the day after my mom had her stroke. I was seven years old and had no idea what happened, let alone what was going to happen to me over the course of the next few months. I knew that my mom was sick and I was staying at a friend's house down the block. Even though it had been a light night--a scary night--I couldn't sleep. I remember sitting up most of the night in my friend's living room gripping a flashlight that I used to keep under my pillow to keep the monsters at bay. That whole night I stared at the window waiting for... I don't know what I was waiting for. I guess I was waiting for the night to just come to an end. I was waiting for a new day to start. I was waiting for someone to tell me what was happening--waiting for someone to tell me that everything was going to be ok. Really, though, I guess I was probably waiting for my mom to come home. As the stars began to fade away and the trees that had been invisible all night slowly came in to focus I moved my vigil from the living room floor to the front stoop. The air was still warm. It was late August. I was wearing my spiderman pajamas and still gripping that flashlight as if letting it go was letting go of the only light I would ever hold close again. I was sitting there thinking whatever it is that seven year old boys think about during rough times. And then the sun started rising. I saw shadows where there weren't any before. Color was creeping in to the sky. It all happened so fast. The sky went from grey to orange to yellow and then the sun burst up so quickly I couldn't stop rubbing my eyes and then there it was. The sun hung just over the treeline, a golden ball surrounded by deep orange in the now blue sky. I remember being amazed about how fast it was. Being surrounded by darkness, then the sun rise--so amazing--and then just like that, it was a day just like all the others I'd seen before it. And, right then, that was exactly what I needed. Something beautiful and amazing followed by a day like any other.

The second sun rise I shall use as proof for my hypothesis took place while I was in college. I know I've told you guys that I used to go for longs walks with my friends back then, but for those of you that are new to The Life of Dave.... I used to go for long walks with my friends back then. There were only three people that really accompanied me on these late night treks. One I married, the other was Mary and the third was Bryan. It didn't matter which of the three it was, all of the walks went about the same way. Actually, scratch that. At some point the walks with the one I married turned into more than just walks, if you know what I mean... but besides that, they were all the same. The walks would usually start around midnight, we would talk about whatever it was in the world that was bothering us and we never cared where we went. We walked just to be outside and enjoy each other's company. On one such walk (this one with the one I married) we ended up stopping by a friend's graphic design lab in the middle of the night to bring him a snack, knowing he'd be there working late. He did that. While there, he told us about the late nights he and his fellow students would be up so late working that they pilfered a key to the roof to go up and watch the sun rise as a break from the computer screens. We thought this was a fantastic idea and vowed to return at dawn to enjoy this ritual with a close friend. Fast forward a few more hours, more than a few miles and we returned to the same place. The three of us went up to the roof of the Fine Arts building where there were already chairs set up for the students to unwind. We sat on that roof talking until the sky began to get just a shade lighter. As we talked, our eyes kept darting back to the horizon waiting for that first great ray of light to break. After about twenty more minutes of gray sky, we realized that it was just too overcast. The sun had risen behind a layer of clouds. We all just looked at each other with such disappointment on our faces. The company could not have been better, but the thing that had brought us together never came. Looking back on that night the main thing I remember is that feeling that something was missed.

Flash forward a few weeks and the opposite happened. I was on a walk with Bryan and we just talked the whole night. At one point we realized that the sun was going to rise shortly, so we went to a building where my friend Kate was working ridiculously early. We kidnapped her from her office and dragged her outside where we just watched the sun rise over the campus. After the beautiful show, we went back inside and continued talking for who knows how long. We shared something that day and we were all happy. Thinking back to how content we were after watching the sun rise makes the disappointment for missing it with the girl I loved that much worse.

So there you have it, folks... Whether you're staying up way too late or waking up way too early you should treat yourself from time to time.

Watch the sun rise.

You won't be disappointed.

The Human Torch

I think if I were going to be any superhero, it would be The Human Torch. Not because he's was one of the Fantastic Four... Not because I think it would be cool to jet around town as a giant fireball... No. I would be The Human Torch because, well, that's what I already am.

I'm like a million degrees right now.

The AC is running, my fan is on full blast and I'm lying in bed sweating. It's kinda gross.

Normally what I do in situations like this is an ice cold shower and a shave. Its officially summer when my beard disappears. It'll come back. most likely very soon. But tonight? Tonight it's going away.

...

Hi friends.
I have an idea...
Just for tonight
Lets pretend.
Lets pretend we're the Lost Boys
Chasing each other
And being chased
By the evil Capt. Hook.
Lets fly together
And be free.
Lets pretend
Just for a little while.
Lets pretend we're spies
On a secret mission...
A secret mission of fun!
Tonight, dear friends
Lets pretend.
Lets pretend.

...

It could have been anyone... anyone... we are not alone. We come. We know. We come. We stay. You won't remember. We won't remind you. We come. We know. We come. We stay. You won't remember. We won't recognize each other

...

She wrote my name across the bathroom mirror in her lipstick.
It was surrounded by a heart.
The counter was covered in her tears.

...

I asked you once
I asked you twice
And its not something I can ask again.
If you say no
Just one more time
If you say no
I just don't know
If I can hold on
Hold on
Hold on

...

My fingertips are tingling. And no, I haven't been drinking. I don't hear the ocean right now, though, which is a good thing. I thought I was going to go crazy for a little while there. It was close this time. So close. Those times.. when the ocean comes.. its all i can hear. Lowercase i, but when the ocean is here, i'm not really me. i'm a shell. filled with nothing but that sound. in a way its a relief to hear something in that ear. its been so long since i've heard a voice on that side. a whisper.

she used to whisper secrets in that ear. after the hearing was gone. i could feel her breath barely escaping as she said things i can only imagine.

...

I'm starting to fade. Time for that shower and shave.

Think cool thoughts.

All my love...

Should I fall out of love, my fire in the light
To chase a feather in the wind
Within the glow that weaves a cloak of delight
There moves a thread that has no end.
For many hours and days that pass ever soon
the tides have caused the flame to dim
At last the arm is straight, the hand to the loom
Is this to end or just the begining?

All of my love,
all of my love,
all of my love to you now.

...

Life can be.... complicated. But it doesn't have to be. It can be as simple as you make it. There are choices, decisions, risks, consequenses, pitfalls and pratfalls around every corner. Or you can step back and not worry about the day to day madness that is life. You can look past all those trees that stand in the way and see the forest for all of its beauty. You are the future. Your plans. What they may be leading up to. Or you can look closer to those every day disasters and find even the tiniest bit of beauty within them. The smells, the sounds, the colors and the feel of everything that makes up this world around us. There is beauty in everything if you choose to see it.

...

The cup is raised, the toast is made yet again
One voice is clear above the din
Proud Aryan, one word, my will to sustain
For me, the cloth once more to spin

All of my love,
all of my love,
all of my love to you now.

...

I fell in love again today.
its been a little while since that's happened.
the sideways glance over her shoulder
I couldn't help it.
it was fleeting, though.
we shared a drink
and a dinner
and a goodbye.

...

Yours is the cloth, mine is the hand that sews time
his is the force that lies within
Ours is the fire, all the warmth we can find
He is a feather in the wind

All of my love,
all of my love,
all of my love to you now.

sometime, sometime, sometime, sometime

All of my love,
all of my love,
all of my love to you now.

I get a little bit lonely,
Just a little, just a little, just a little bit lonley,
just a little bit lonley

The Story of Cherry - Part One

And we called her Cherry. I'm not really sure how she got that name, or why. That's just what we called her. She was beautiful. Beyond words. I'm not sure why I keep saying "was" like she's gone. She is still here. Still with us. Still beautiful. She's not Cherry anymore, though. That name just kind of faded away. Lots of things faded away that summer.
I haven't really told you much of anything yet, have I? Let's start with the basics. I was raised on journalism, so I'll go ahead and answer the Five W's and the H.
Who? Cherry was... well, she was just cherry. She's got a name, but if I were to use her real name you would know exactly who I was talking about and I'm not about to do that. You know me... I'm Dave. What more do you need? Everyone else is everyone else. The names of the side characters in this story don't really matter. I mean, they're all my friends and huge parts of my life, but in this story, in this place, all names will be changed to protect the innocent and guilty alike.
What? This is the story of how Cherry became Cherry and then... didn't.
Why? Because I can't sleep and you, apparently, have too much time on your hands
When? This was the infamous summer of 2002. AKA - Our Summer of Love AKA - Beach Blanket Bingo-a-Go-Go AKA - Oh Two? Oh No!
Where? To make it easy, we'll pretend all the events that follow happened in Gainesville. They didn't, but I'm not too keen on telling the whole story. I like leaving a bit of mystery to the whole thing. If you weren't there, you weren't there. There can be no substitute for the real thing.
How? My god if I only knew how, I wouldn't have let it happen the way it did... but it happened. We'll call it fate. Maybe karma... maybe just shit luck.
So there you have it. Gainesville. 2002. Me. Cherry. A wicked twist of fate. Kids, this is not the story of how I met your mother....
She whispered in my ear. That was my first contact with her. We were at Market Street with our bottomless mugs just minding our own business, throwing darts when she slipped up behind me and whispered in my ear, "Hide me!"
I turned around to see an angel. Albeit a very drunk angel, but still. She looked over her shoulder and said it again.
"Hide me."
I had no idea what to do. It didn't help that I was already pretty gone myself. So I did the first thing that popped in my head.
I said OK.
I raised my glass to my buddies, downed the rest of my beverage and turned to the angel that appeared so suddenly over my shoulder. I just looked at her for a second, taking everything in. Her hair was swept down over one nearly bare shoulder. Her dress was markedly out of place where everyone else in the building was wearing shorts and T's. Her eyes were so wide and so glassy. They definitely showed a look of mild concern, though, so I knew I shouldn't hesitate anymore before I lost my chance. Taking one more look around I saw a guy trying to move through the crowd. He was dressed in a suit. They looked like they belonged together.
She looked me in the eyes and said the word that pushed me into action.
"Please?"
That was my queue.
Without even thinking, I just lifted her over my shoulder and pushed through the crowd and out the front door. To this day, I can't tell you why I did it. Why didn't I just pull her towards the corner of the bar with the rest of my friends where she wouldn't be noticed? Why didn't I sneak her up the back stairs, behind her mysterious pursuer? No clue. I did what I did, though, and once I picked her up there was no turning back.
The rest of that night was kind of a blur. I remember putting her down eventually. Maybe two or three blocks away. We went to another bar. She was so fucking beautiful. We got a ride from someone... her friend? My friend? I couldn't tell you. We were at an apartment. It was loud so we went for a walk. She never told me who she was hiding from or why. Not that night, at least. I remember someone driving me home.
And that's about it.
When I woke up the next morning, I had a wicked hangover and a phone number written across my arm in black Sharpie. It took me two days to get that scrubbed off, by the way. I tried to remember exactly what happened after I left Market Street but could only recall the few snippets I just mentioned. All I had was the number on my arm and a name.
As I got ready to call the number, I realized something, though. I didn't actually have a name. All I had was a number. Shit. Oh well. I called it.
It rang.
Twice.
Then she picked up.
"Hello?"
I didn't know what to say. This was a girl I picked up and carried out of a bar the night before. We had a good time and as far as I know, we didn't have "A Good Time" if you know what I mean... and here I was calling her the next day without even knowing her name? If you know me, and since you're reading this I know you do, you know that is NOT something I do.
"Anyone there?"
Shit.
I was still on the phone.
...
.....
.......
And then I said it.
I don't know why, but I did.
"Cherry?"
"Oh, Dave. Good morning!"
The fact that her voice sounded so chipper while I felt like the bottom of a lumberjack's shoe pissed me off a little.
The fact that she recognized my voice and recognized my name definitely made me smile.
The fact that I called her "Cherry" and she responded was just plain confusing.
Well, folks, its 3AM and I just got through telling you how we met Cherry, so I'll just fast-forward a bit for ya.
We talked for a while that afternoon. Ended up grabbing lunch. Swapped stories from the night before, trying to hammer down some specific details, which we didn't. And she told me why she was hiding. I'll tell you that tomorrow night. Just know that after that night, she became a part of our group. Instant friend. It was pretty epic.
Oh, one more thing... To this day, when I think back to the first time I met Cherry, I will always remember how struck I was by her beauty. Never again had I felt caught so off guard by someone. It was just... Wow.

Settling

The world thrives in the tiniest of places. I'm not sure what made me think of that, earlier, but it's amazing, isn't it? Life is everywhere. Things are alive in places that life just doesn't seem to belong... but it's there. Pretty cool stuff.

On a slightly different topic... I was talking to someone the other day about relationships in general and, inevitably, past relationships came up... people seem to be intrigued by the fact that I was married. It feels very strange to me, too, don't worry. But the conversation turned to what people look for in a relationship partner, at what point to get married, and at what point you might have to call it quits.

A majority of the conversation turned into a debate about settling. You know.. when you settle for someone who's not perfect because... well, because they're there. On the one hand, why should you ever settle for what isn't perfect? Marriage is a commitment that should last a lifetime. Can you spend the next 60 years with someone other than THE ONE? And let's say you do settle... what happens when you finally meet the perfect person? You're stuck with what you've got.

On the other hand, though... What are the odds the perfect person even exists for you? I have a clear vision of what perfection is... of that woman from my dreams... but I have never met her. Never seen her. Never talked to her. Never glanced out the window of my car to see her driving in the lane next to me so that I could post some freaky message on craigslist in the hopes that she, too, is reading those creepy posts on craigslist. Am I willing to wait until I die in the hopes that someone meeting the thousands of little requirements to become My Perfection comes along? Heck no.

When I got hitched the first time, was I settling? Hell yeah. My ex was nowhere near My Perfect Woman. Not even close. But she made me happy. She met enough requirements that I thought, "You know, I could probably find someone who meets more of my requirements, but this one makes me happy 80% of the time just by being by my side." And folks, that's requirement numero uno for me.

So yeah, I settled. And you know what? If the right person comes around I'll probably settle again. I'm not planning on waiting around forever for My Perfect Woman who may or may not even exist... I plan on finding someone who makes me happy most of the time. Someone who I love. Someone who loves me. Someone who likes Macaroni and Cheese with hot dogs. I'm an easy guy to please...

I'm not saying that I'm giving up on being happy, quite the opposite, actually. I'm giving up on waiting to be happier. Life is good and life is NOW. Life is not about waiting for what might be, it’s about reveling in what IS.

And that, dear friends, is what I have to say about THAT.

Peace out, my faithful brethren... and eat those veggies because who knows? Maybe the world WON'T end tomorrow.